Designated Doodler

You lick dry lips Flecks of flesh Sting beneath An alcoholic breath Wander through The air that's heaving A nicotine fog Here there is no breathing And nothing good can come from a meeting In this place, but you Abandon empathy The second That you see -her face The world is quiet Time dead in space Behind deaf ears Thumps a tale of love and betrayal Into the din it's laced She runs pomegranate colored nails down the side of your face And with apple red lips she gives you a sour sweet kiss Your hands disappear Where her hips dip She tickles your face With black eye lashes Takes your hand Leads you through the masses To some other place With the same coal black heels That will walk through your ashes

He looks up at the sky With an unwavering black eye Spreading dark wings But failing to fly And he stays on the ground Questioning why He's bound to the ground When his siblings can fly Wondering if he'll be left Behind to die A bird with no tale He tries but he fails To fly with no sails He's sitting prey They bring him food But could stop someday Leave him to a life And a death in the grass And fly away. Just a bird Inconsequential Missing an attribute So essential Who never kissed the sun Or touched the sky Just a bird Born with no potential

Today I went to church with my Dad. It was a great service and I learned things about David's life that I didn't know before. It was a special service and all of the kids were involved. The energy in that room was wonderful and the experience made me think about something one of my coworkers said one day at work. He said that he didn't believe people had souls. Which to date, is the saddest thing I've ever heard anyone say. I realize that it's his opinion and I respect that. But I still find it depressing that there are people who think this. In my life I have seen miracles and have "felt" my soul many times. My co worker asked me what it "felt" like and it was hard to give an answer. It feels like being plugged into an outlet. Like there is this beautiful and overwhelming energy that engulfs you. It is the most joyful and electrifying experience. It's like you're a cell phone and you don't realize it but you're battery ...

You'd think that a person who got twelve hours of sleep last night wouldn't be daydreaming about a nap, yet hereI am. It just looks so dark outside, despite sunset being three hours away. My class starts at 7:00. It's so incredible being able to teach others art...painting. And although it hasn't started yet I can picture all of the paints arranged neatly in their plates, the fidgety faces staring back at me, worried about their paintings that don't exist yet. But then I talk and their expressions relax. I move and they move and our canvases go from white to finished. And the best ones, the best paintings, are done by those who can shut their brains off. Turn their anticipation for perfection off. Stop thinking. It's probably why I'm an artist. It's the strongest drug. Let go of everything, just move, and when you're done you have this beautiful expression of thought. But you can't think too much when making it. It's a delicate process th...

The sky kisses the roof in a sherbert sunriseBathing the red house on the corner In brilliant yellow light That makes the grass glow neon green Is it the day of the yard sale Friendly unfamiliar faces Buying snippets of your life Little chunks of memories Passed to others for the right price Or is the day I learned to drive As gathering storms swirled In the dark gray skies Rain hurling down On a girl with wide eyes Maybe it's a day from this very month Where we came together in hugs and words And laughed in tandem In a life and room transformed The walls, the house, just a whisper of what had been Close your eyes And pick a memory at random Starring the home on this land Where you once stretched To reach the sink with baby hands Where you felt the burning smack Of spitting water on a sunburnt teenaged back Where you hugged your loved ones Before they left this earth It held your family It took your heart Watched you grow tall Saw you depart We...

I felt inspired to write this post today to help anyone out there who knows/is friends with/is a parent of someone with anxiety. I realized today that these things I know aren't just common sense. They've come from years of dealing with anxiety myself and knowing others who have as well. So here it goes. Things to keep in mind about anxiety: Anxiety isn't as easy to control as you might think I've had people ask me in the past "well, why don't you just stop being anxious." To me, that's like asking someone who has chronic migraines to stop having migraines. What's important is to realize that anxiety is very much a physical thing. It is a response that your body has, when once started, is difficult to control or stop. An anxious person may have a racing heartbeat, sweaty hands, dry mouth, or even shake. Once the body begins this descent into anxiety it's hard to turn around. And even if the anxiety isn't yet to that point or severi...

Leaving Pennsylvania is never easy. It's where I grew up, it's where the majority of my family lives. And every time the car leaves Beaver and heads towards the airport I get the same sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't feel like I'm going home, I feel like I'm leaving home. I remember meeting my Principal before starting kindergarten. I remember catching fireflies in jars with my cousins and playing chameleon with my grandma. It's where my uncle taught me how to drive and where I picked out my first little baby kitten when I was five. There were family dinners and slipping beneath the table with my cousin so that we could sneak off to go play Playstation. We would slide around on the kitchen floor in our socks and pretend that bunk beds were rocket ships. There were fireworks on hilltops bursting above bridges on the 4th of July and Super Bowl parties with black and yellow chips. I slept on Snoopy sheets at my grandma Barb's and watched Re...

Ahhh Pennsylvania...the land where the high is in the 70's in the dead of summer. The land of "my people" a.k.a. Steeler's fans. The land of ma and pop bakeries, cute antique shops and a veritable sort of  homey shops. It's also the land of my family!  So here are some pics from my PA adventure (that is still ongoing) :D So far my trip has involved my cousin's wedding, trips around Meadville, a trip to Erie, Edinboro, Slippery Rock, Chautauqua, Beaver and more. This was the view from the car as we went from Beaver to Meadville.  This is Molly, my aunt Jan's sweet little pup. After the wedding we stayed at the Applebutter Inn - a B&B in Slippery Rock.  This was one of the homes at Chautauqua. The homes are super well maintained, have gorgeous details and are beautiful colors. Another Chautauqua house. Another Chautauqua home. My cousin Danny and his new wife Erin! This is my baby kitty - ...