Serendipity

Olivia had to ask herself if she was losing it. She sucked a breath in between parted lips and kept her gaze fixed. 

The concept of time had disappeared, as had the din of the evening crowd at Argo’s. She heard nothing, she felt nothing, she saw no one but him.

The eyes she stared at were the very same ones that haunted her every dream; piercing blue, excruciatingly intense.

Realizing that her mouth was agape, she snapped her jaw shut, blinked a few times and dipped her head to gather her thoughts. She studied the pattern on the floor tiles, listened to the conversation at the next table, felt the breeze from outside as the doors swung open and shut - anything to ground herself in the moment. 

Almost afraid to look up, Benson did it anyway, and there he was. This wasn’t a dream, this wasn’t a mirage, this was real. 

His eyes had never left her. They remained intently focused on his former partner. He seemed almost tentative…as if he wanted to approach her. But neither of them moved.

Olivia swallowed dryly, she could feel her heart beat in her ears it was so damn loud. 

Before she had the chance to over think it, she stood, abandoning her finished dinner, and walked towards him.

She was in the restaurant area of Argo’s, and he was at the bar. It was a short walk, a small distance, but it felt like miles. Laughing, talking, smiling patrons parted as she made a b-line towards him.

He wanted to run to her, and at the same time, wanted to run away. But it didn’t matter because his feet were glued to the ground. He lent against the bar and waited with baited breath as she approached. 

She was godddamned gorgeous. It was like a day hadn’t passed since he left SVU. 

But a day had passed. Many days had passed. And he half expected her to walk straight up to him and slap him. He’d deserve it. He almost wanted it. No…he did want it.

He felt like shit. 

He wanted to laugh and cry and scream and apologize and fall into her arms, all at once. 

"Elliot," she nearly whispered when she reached him.

The word tasted like coffee & safety and it stung as it fell from her tongue. 

His throat immediately clenched up and tears threatened to form behind his ocean eyes.

"Olivia," he croaked back - trying but failing to control the emotional depth behind that singular utterance.

She wanted to be angry, she sought out fury within herself but couldn’t find it. All she discovered was a never-ending well of sadness and a blinding ecstasy at just being able to see his face. 

There were no words. Where do you start when your partner of 12 years just up and disappears one day without so much as a “goodbye.” 

She had called him, she had reached out and got nothing in return. So rather than look pathetic, she had spent the last two years trying to forget the man that meant everything to her.

"How are you?" he started, interrupting the flurry of thoughts swirling in her head.

"Good," she nodded slightly. This didn’t feel real. She seemed shell-shocked, and he was sure that her features had to resemble his own.

"How are you?" she offered back. 

"Good."

Silence fell between them. 

Benson yearned for the feel of his arms wrapped around her in that moment. They had only hugged once in all the years they’d worked together. And although it was a long time ago, she could still close her eyes and feel the weight of those muscled arms wrapped around her. Never in her life had she felt so safe.

And then he left, and her world broke in two.

"How are the kids?" she half-smiled.

"Good, they’re great," Elliot said smiling. His demeanor loosened up a bit and some light came into his eyes. "God I can’t believe how old they are."

Olivia mirrored the smile. She looked gorgeous. Always did.

Her hair was longer, she was wearing what she usually wore at work…a button-down and some slacks. But red heels peeked out beneath the straight cut pants. Her familiar gold necklace clung to the space between her collar bone, and her lips were the most beautiful shade of spring rose.

She didn’t even have to try.

God, I really needed a distraction, he thought to himself.

It was only when he reached for his drink that she noticed he didn’t have a wedding ring on.

He caught her gaze and followed it to his own hand. 

"You and Kathy?"

Elliot took a swig and shook his head. “Yeah…uh…we just couldn’t make it work.”

"I’m sorry El," she said, very nearly letting additional words slip out. Words like ‘you should have called’ or ‘I could have been there for you,’ but she held them in.

She didn’t need to say them anyway, they could always speak without saying a thing - that hadn’t changed. 

And what he was communicating with his face right now…was guilt. It was plain as day - etched into his features, living in the creases beneath his eyes and the downturn of his lip. 

"You know, I’d normally say that you have nothing to feel bad about…" she started, "…but I haven’t heard from you in over two years." 

The sergeant gave a apologetic smile. He gulped and shook his head slightly, setting down his glass with a clunk. 

"I’m so sorry Liv," he struggled. 

"I can’t put into words how sorry I am for not being there for you," he stopped, mentally slapping himself for (in a roundabout way) alluding to the hell she had gone through with Lewis. 

It was all over the news. He knew what happened. And he was a coward. When she needed him the most, where was he? Running away from his own guilt at having shot a teenager to death, that’s where he was. Drinking and throwing pity parties for himself.

She put a hand  on his shoulder and gently swiped the fabric of his shirt with her thumb. It was a soft, navy blue button-down that brought out his eyes. She could feel the warmth of his skin beneath it.

"It’s okay Elliot. I forgive you."

"You shouldn’t," he shot back.

Liquid again threatened to spill from his eyes, but he willfully held it back. 

"Well, tough shit, because I do."

They chuckled.

She dropped her hand back to her side.

"I know that we just run into each other on accident," he said with a hand rubbing his chin and jaw. "But if you wanted to….I don’t know, talk or catch up or whatever…I’d like that."

His own words surprised him. If you’d told Elliot Stabler the day before that he’d run into Olivia Benson on accident the next night, he would have just stayed home. Or boarded a plane to anywhere.

Facing her was the hardest part. But since his attempts at completely forgetting her had failed…what the hell, why not have a drink and catch up?

It was dangerous territory, that much he knew. But seeing her…having her here, standing in front of him…he wanted more. He wanted to see her lips curve into a smile and watch her eyes crease as she laughed. He wanted to smell her perfume and hear her voice for as long as he could. 

This is exactly why he had cut himself off from SVU. Because it was too dangerous and too painful to hang on to that part of his life. But here it was, here she was. 

Discovering her here at this Italian restaurant & bar was nothing he wanted, and everything he needed. It was like finding the other half of his soul. And that’s what scared him the most. 

"Yeah, I’d like to catch up," she smiled. 

"Okay, let’s go," he said, grabbing his coat and putting money down on the bar.

"Go where?"

"My apartment," he said, as if that were, of course, the only logical place to go.

"I live next door," he motioned his thumb to the right.

God, how stupid was he? Did he just invite her over? His place was a mess. This wasn’t an attempt to hit on her…was it? He just wanted to talk. But is that how she took it?

"I mean…unless you want to stay here or go…"

"Your apartment is fine," she cut him off and motioned to the door. 

They fell into step like it was 2012 and headed through the Friday night crowd. 

"You owe me one hell of a drink you know," she said, her brown eyes rich, warm and sparkling.

He huffed a laugh. “Yeah, I do. I owe you two years worth of drinks.”

"Hopefully not all at once though," she quipped.

"Well that’s up to you Benson. But far be it for me to stop a sergeant."

They walked out into the cool New York night. The street was just as lit as the restaurant was and just as busy.

"Are you trying to get me liquored up Stabler?"

"Maybe," he smiled. 

She punched his bicep.

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Thanks for reading! Please note that I do not claim to own any of the aforementioned characters. I simply love Bensler and felt compelled to write this little reunion vignette. I hope you enjoyed it!