Teacher Tales
Oblivious
Spring break: Got my nails done, a keratin treatment for my hair, and my corneas sliced open so lasers could give me perfect vision.
A solid week into class: Oh hey Miss …you look different. Are those new shoes?
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Sweet
"Thanks for stepping in and teaching our class this year. It was a terrible situation and you took a big challenge because I know our classes are pretty rough most days. I can honestly say we have all learned a lot more this semester than we did last semester! Thanks for teaching us!"
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Hilarious
*Student looks at class then looks at me*
"How many times a day do you consider hanging yourself with your scarf?"
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Hilarious
Male student: "Man…my stomach hurt so bad today in study hall, I couldn't take it!" *Grabs abdomen* "Is this what it feels like to have a period? Aw man…I couldn't handle it." *Dramatically tumbles to the floor*
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No Bueno
Discovers after class that a student drew a large explicit image on my chalkboard in permanent marker.
Me:
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Really?
Student 1: Being a teacher has to be the easiest job ever, especially being an English teacher.
Student 2: Are you freaking kidding me! Awww heeellllllll no! Teachers work so hard. God bless!
Student 1: Are you serious? I bet it's easy.
Student 2: I sure as heck wouldn't want to deal with teenagers all day, especially not you! (points at Student 1, then looks at me) Can I hit him for you?
Me: I'm not watching…
*Student 2 whacks student 1in the arm in defense of teachers everywhere*
-End Scene-
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Really?
Student: Can you re-tie my shoes?
Me: You are fifteen years old, I think you can handle it.
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Questions They Bombard Me With
Are you single?
Did you go see 50 shades?
What's your XBOX ONE gamer tag?
Why aren't you an art teacher?
Where did you go to college?
What kind of music do you listen to?
Who's your favorite rapper?
What car do you drive?
What kind of cookies are those in your lunch bag?
What's your favorite movie?
Do you like being an English teacher?
Is our class your favorite?
Am I your favorite student?
What are you doing this weekend?
Did you have fun last weekend?
Do you have kids?
Do you actually read our essays?
Can I come in here and hang out?
What lunch do you have?
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Creepy
Student: I couldn't resist Ms. R! I saw your car parked outside of the store and I just had to come in and say heeeeeyyyyyyy guuurrlll!
Me: How did you know it was my car?
Student: Well, it was a --------- with a ------- college sticker on it! It wasn't hard to figure out!
My Thoughts: Yup, time to get a new car.
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Unbelievable
Student: I'll give you a $100 if that grade morphs into an A.
Me: I'm going to pretend you did not just say that. Go sit down before I write you up.
+++
Words I can no longer stand:
"ratchet," "bae," "thot," "thirsty," "salty," "turn up," "turn down for what," … and MY OWN NAME
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Oh Boy
Student: I don't understand why my grade in here is so low.
Me: Did you turn in your essay?
Student: No, I lost it. Can I give it to you next week?
Me: It was due two weeks ago, and it was a test grade.
Student: AH! A test grade?
Other student: Yeah, she only mentioned that about a hundred times.
Me: What about your STAAR Revising and Editing?
Student: Lost it.
Me: What about your short answer?
Student: Lost it.
Me: What about the second short answer?
Student: Lost it.
Me: *dramatically thuds head against desk*
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That's a New One
Me: Where's your homework?
Student: I don't have it miss…my iguana took a chunk out of it.
Me: Are you telling me that your iguana ate your homework?
Student: Yessss…..
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Don't be Ridiculous
Student: Do you make a lot of money?
Me:
Spring break: Got my nails done, a keratin treatment for my hair, and my corneas sliced open so lasers could give me perfect vision.
A solid week into class: Oh hey Miss …you look different. Are those new shoes?
+++
Sweet
"Thanks for stepping in and teaching our class this year. It was a terrible situation and you took a big challenge because I know our classes are pretty rough most days. I can honestly say we have all learned a lot more this semester than we did last semester! Thanks for teaching us!"
+++
Hilarious
*Student looks at class then looks at me*
"How many times a day do you consider hanging yourself with your scarf?"
+++
Hilarious
Male student: "Man…my stomach hurt so bad today in study hall, I couldn't take it!" *Grabs abdomen* "Is this what it feels like to have a period? Aw man…I couldn't handle it." *Dramatically tumbles to the floor*
+++
No Bueno
Discovers after class that a student drew a large explicit image on my chalkboard in permanent marker.
Me:
+++
Really?
Student 1: Being a teacher has to be the easiest job ever, especially being an English teacher.
Student 2: Are you freaking kidding me! Awww heeellllllll no! Teachers work so hard. God bless!
Student 1: Are you serious? I bet it's easy.
Student 2: I sure as heck wouldn't want to deal with teenagers all day, especially not you! (points at Student 1, then looks at me) Can I hit him for you?
Me: I'm not watching…
*Student 2 whacks student 1in the arm in defense of teachers everywhere*
-End Scene-
+++
Really?
Student: Can you re-tie my shoes?
Me: You are fifteen years old, I think you can handle it.
+++
Questions They Bombard Me With
Are you single?
Did you go see 50 shades?
What's your XBOX ONE gamer tag?
Why aren't you an art teacher?
Where did you go to college?
What kind of music do you listen to?
Who's your favorite rapper?
What car do you drive?
What kind of cookies are those in your lunch bag?
What's your favorite movie?
Do you like being an English teacher?
Is our class your favorite?
Am I your favorite student?
What are you doing this weekend?
Did you have fun last weekend?
Do you have kids?
Do you actually read our essays?
Can I come in here and hang out?
What lunch do you have?
+++
Creepy
Student: I couldn't resist Ms. R! I saw your car parked outside of the store and I just had to come in and say heeeeeyyyyyyy guuurrlll!
Me: How did you know it was my car?
Student: Well, it was a --------- with a ------- college sticker on it! It wasn't hard to figure out!
My Thoughts: Yup, time to get a new car.
+++
Unbelievable
Student: I'll give you a $100 if that grade morphs into an A.
Me: I'm going to pretend you did not just say that. Go sit down before I write you up.
+++
Words I can no longer stand:
"ratchet," "bae," "thot," "thirsty," "salty," "turn up," "turn down for what," … and MY OWN NAME
+++
Oh Boy
Student: I don't understand why my grade in here is so low.
Me: Did you turn in your essay?
Student: No, I lost it. Can I give it to you next week?
Me: It was due two weeks ago, and it was a test grade.
Student: AH! A test grade?
Other student: Yeah, she only mentioned that about a hundred times.
Me: What about your STAAR Revising and Editing?
Student: Lost it.
Me: What about your short answer?
Student: Lost it.
Me: What about the second short answer?
Student: Lost it.
Me: *dramatically thuds head against desk*
+++
That's a New One
Me: Where's your homework?
Student: I don't have it miss…my iguana took a chunk out of it.
Me: Are you telling me that your iguana ate your homework?
Student: Yessss…..
+++
Don't be Ridiculous
Student: Do you make a lot of money?
Me:
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