My First Teaching Experience

As with most things in my life, my first teaching experience was trial by fire.

It's funny because one of my fellow English teachers came up to me the other day and said, "man, I have so much respect for you. You stepped into this awful situation and took over. It's never easy walking into a storm like that."

Later I sat at my desk and laughed to myself. I knew that things had been exceptionally tough, but this was all I knew, this was the only reality I had experienced.

And I think everyone knew what a tough position I was in. Another English teacher at the school said, "please don't think this is what teaching is like. It is so much better than what you're dealing with. Don't give up on teaching, you're so good."

I hadn't intended on giving up on teaching, but apparently my situation would cause any sane person to.

At the beginning of the semester, I took a week-long sub position that turned into a semester-long position. The teacher I was coming in behind had left under atypical circumstances. Leaving his students and their parents wondering what happened. I myself didn't even know the circumstances when I stepped in, and I didn't much care. But it had a huge impact on the students, who resisted me for a solid month or two.

To make matters worse, their former teacher had taught them nothing. Suddenly, I stepped in and they were expected to do work - which didn't go over too well at first.

On top of the fact that they hadn't learned anything for an entire semester, their former teacher hadn't set up any boundaries. The kids wanted to be my friend, they asked me a barrage of personal questions, they sat at my desk, they messed with my belongings. There was a whole host of behavioral issues to address.

Basically, walking into this job was like…teleporting into the cockpit of an airplane that was going down. And the cherry on top was the fact that this school - which had wanted to hire me since last summer - didn't hire me, despite the fact that I was going to be here for an entire semester.

So here I am on sub pay…going to two parent meetings a week, wrangling classes that a veteran would shy away from, coming in early for tutorials, and taking stacks of essays home to grade. I don't even want to hear that "HR doesn't hire people in the middle of the year," because I don't buy it. And even worse, they haven't even mentioned next year. It would be nice to get a sticky note or something that's like "hey, don't freak out, we'll hire you next fall!" But naw…it's better to hang in stressed out suspension. It's better to know that I'll have to go through the entire interview process again this summer.

But I digress.

I think this experience was beneficial. I really do care about my students and I've done my best to get them caught up so that they won't bomb their junior year.

I've faced a lot of challenges. My sixth period is so bad that one day I decided to write all of their names on write up slips and put all the slips on their desk face-down. The second they stepped out of line, the slips were turned over and filled out. And to fix the boundary problem, I taped off the area around my desk. Anyone that steps over that tape gets written up.

Speaking of write up's…I have one student who said such terrible/disgusting things that I wrote him up, and when he had his meeting with the principal. She said she had never read such disturbing things in a write up in her entire life and that if she ever saw him again…or even heard his name mentioned…that he would have a one way ticket to ISS. That's the same student that enjoys walking around barefoot and squirting hand sanitizer into his mouth for the shock factor.

Perhaps I should've taken it as an omen when I was spit on by some stranger on the balcony at the beginning of the semester. But eh…I've learned a lot. I've found a strength and authority that I didn't know I had. And there are those students who genuinely appreciate this challenge that I've undertaken.

Everyday is still a battle though. Just yesterday I gave my classes a worksheet to prep them for a quiz on Monday and my entire second period refused to do it. SERIOUSLY. I don't know what happened to our educational system but I never expected to run into entire classes who refused to do anything, kids watching movies on their phones during class, parents harassing you because their kid "MUST" have an A (mind you this is an academic class - not exactly the difference between Harvard and UH), and students who love to eat my snacks and go through my desk drawers.

Oddly enough, I enjoy this chaos. The day goes by fast, I care about the kids, and I actually get to share my knowledge of grammar, literature and writing.

But I'm still temporary. I don't feel important when I put on my sub badge. The other teachers acknowledge my existence, but I'm not one of them. Every now and again I have lunch with a group, and a few of them I really like. But I feel the others just see me as an extra prop at their lunch table. They've never asked me anything about myself…some of them just kind of talk around me. So now I go out to lunch.

Would I like a key to the teacher's bathroom? Sure. Would I like a key to the outside doors of the building so that I can get back in when I go out to lunch? Sure. Would I like to have an answer for the students when they ask if I'll be there next year? Sure.

But for now…I'm comfortable. Even amidst the maelstrom that is this year, I prefer it over advertising any day.

There are these awesome moments…when I see the kids' grades going up, when I see them learn, when they shout out to me in the hallway or tell me that I'm their favorite teacher, when they give me notes of thanks and tell me they'd hug me if they were allowed, haha. They are vibrant and complex and wonderful and if I instill a love for English in just one of them…I've won. They're crazy, but they're mine.

I'm young, which has provided its own set of challenges (like being taken seriously). But it's awesome to get this glimpse into what it must feel like to be a parent. I'm happy when they're happy, I'm proud when they're victorious, and I enjoy seeing them everyday.

I think I'm in the right place. I think this is my career (in addition to writing novels/selling art on the side). And just having figured that out is huge.

So why am I sharing all of this with you? Good question.

Is it risky? Sure.

But like I said, I'm not a permanent fixture yet, so I'm not particularly fearful of fallout. I want to provide an honest look at what my teaching experience has been like for those who are subs or considering teaching.

First and foremost, I started out as a journalist, and I feel a persistent need to share information with others. Everything I've shared in this post is the truth, and the truth isn't always pretty - it's complex - filled with both good and bad. But that's exactly what makes it so beautiful. Nothing in life worth having comes easily.

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 This is my lunchtime stress relief: chalk art