Designated Doodler

It is a scientifically proven fact that time slows during the afternoon work hours. The greatest anomaly occurring on Friday afternoons when subjects are inside at work. “There’s just something about Friday’s,” said Doctor Fulloshit. “It’s as if time slows to a crawl, yet the clocks on the wall are keeping normal time. We, at the Institute of Weary Adulthood, have been studying this phenomenon for centuries. And although it hasn’t changed much, the effects are felt much more with the younger generations.” Reputable news source Youngginz interviewed young adults and found that over 99% have at some time experienced, what they have labeled, epically-slow-bored-afternoon, or ESBA for short. And the intensified version of ESBA that occurs on Fridays is called Unbearably-Slow-Friday-Afternoon-Time-Warp, or USFATW. "There's just no getting around it," said Fred Jackson a 20-something graphic designer. "It happens every Friday and to lesser d...

Introducing Desperation ...a new fragrance from Forever Alone. Are you tired of being all alone? Going to movies by yourself? Having dinner for one? Putting your dog down as your emergency contact? Then purchase some Desperation ! This deep and rich scent is sure to overpower you. Scent notes include: fertile myrtle, running out of thyme, sage with envy, hoe wood, can't elope, and vanilla. With a quick squirt of this fine mist you will immediately stand out to everyone around you. For best results, dab inside wrists, on pulse points at the neck, a little on your chest and a heaping spray down your pants. Everyone around you will be sure to recognize that you are wearing Desperation . Use of this product may cause side effects including (but not limited to): suddenly being attracted to douchebags/skanks, being abandoned by whatever friends you do have, a desire for hard liquor, hitting on your cousin(s), listening to Enya, the need to create an online dating profile, poppi...

Introducing....Power.... from the world renowned Forever Whinery. It's time to get drunk with Power. No matter what your social stance, this $7,000 bottle of wine is perfect for you! The grapes have been carefully hand selected and foot stomped by disgruntled employees. As soon as you purchase POWER you've already, instantly, become loathed. Take a good look at the blood red color of the wine. You will notice shimmering gold flecks throughout the wine, made from the finest imported 24k gold shavings.  Swirl POWER around in your crystal cut glass and take a deep breath. Rich aromas of oak, hazelnut, musk, tobacco, dirty money, and minion's tears will make its way up your nostrils. Savor the wine. Swish it around in your mouth. Let the feeling of entitlement flood your refined taste buds. Feel the weight and body of the wine on your palette; notice its entitled grapes loosening your blabbering tongue. Finally, evaluate the finish of the wine. It should wash over...

The following are things I like/snippets of my life: Me about to teach class. What we painted... Two tiny paintings I did A creepy dude I drew (above) and a painting I did of Pittsburgh (below)    My story stats. I was pretty happy breaking 8k in one month. FUNNIES: Did I mention that I'm getting published again? Give you a hint...it's something I wrote that involves my cat, Sweetie. So apparently I missed my calling :P I took a Suits quiz to see what kind of lawyer I'd be. And while Louis is TERRIBLE and I don't agree with the last four words, it was a pretty good quiz.  Suits, Mike and Harvey, I'm going down with this ship