Desperation

Introducing Desperation...a new fragrance from Forever Alone.

Are you tired of being all alone? Going to movies by yourself? Having dinner for one? Putting your dog down as your emergency contact? Then purchase some Desperation!

This deep and rich scent is sure to overpower you. Scent notes include: fertile myrtle, running out of thyme, sage with envy, hoe wood, can't elope, and vanilla.

With a quick squirt of this fine mist you will immediately stand out to everyone around you. For best results, dab inside wrists, on pulse points at the neck, a little on your chest and a heaping spray down your pants.

Everyone around you will be sure to recognize that you are wearing Desperation.

Use of this product may cause side effects including (but not limited to): suddenly being attracted to douchebags/skanks, being abandoned by whatever friends you do have, a desire for hard liquor, hitting on your cousin(s), listening to Enya, the need to create an online dating profile, popping your collar and terrible pick-up lines.

Put on Desperation before a first date, while prepping to go to a club, in advance of a wedding, funeral or social function, and especially at class reunions. At just $3 a bottle, anyone and everyone can afford Desperation!

*When Desperation coats your skin, expect to feel a raging burning sensation followed by an incessant tingling and finally a steady itch. Not intended for use on those who are socially well-adjusted. Keep out of reach from teenagers and pugs. Forever Alone is not responsible for any actions or side effects resulting from the use of Desperation.

Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 28, 2013 at 7:48 AM

    You are too funny Liz! I love these :D

    ReplyDelete

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