Designated Doodler

Introducing “Eternity” a new fragrance for men (not associated with Calvin Klein). This alluring mist is the #1 scent given to newly married men. The aroma is heavy, clinging and lasts forever. Hence the fact that sales are steadily declining. If you listen closely as you spray yourself with “Eternity” you can almost hear your wife’s nagging voice. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in and picture you and your spouse at 90 years old. By that time, the beautiful aroma will linger in your wrinkles and amplify your natural scent of despair. You will definitely get noticed while wearing “Eternity” but pay no mind to those beautiful women giving you “the look,” because you’re already taken…for “Eternity.” Do not imagine what your life could have been as a free bachelor who doesn’t have three snotty kids clinging to your pant cuff dusted with paper shreds from your mind-numbing job that you need to support these four leeches. Instead, calm yourself an...

Introducing Desperation ...a new fragrance from Forever Alone. Are you tired of being all alone? Going to movies by yourself? Having dinner for one? Putting your dog down as your emergency contact? Then purchase some Desperation ! This deep and rich scent is sure to overpower you. Scent notes include: fertile myrtle, running out of thyme, sage with envy, hoe wood, can't elope, and vanilla. With a quick squirt of this fine mist you will immediately stand out to everyone around you. For best results, dab inside wrists, on pulse points at the neck, a little on your chest and a heaping spray down your pants. Everyone around you will be sure to recognize that you are wearing Desperation . Use of this product may cause side effects including (but not limited to): suddenly being attracted to douchebags/skanks, being abandoned by whatever friends you do have, a desire for hard liquor, hitting on your cousin(s), listening to Enya, the need to create an online dating profile, poppi...

Introducing Depression, a new fragrance from Dash-O-Pity. Depression is a warm, rich fragrance with undertones of musk, soil, lint, oak moss and narcissus. The mixture is also infused with rare droplets of actual tears. With a few light mists of Depression, you will feel yourself being wrapped in the tight and uncomfortable embrace of a dark sadness. This long-lasting scent will stay with you for days upon days and is resistant to removal. Others will immediately recognize that you are wearing Depression and are likely to comment on the intrusive smell of melancholy that is sure to take them over as well. It is recommended that you apply Depression liberally and use with reckless abandon. +Not intended for use in eyeballs, on small animals or large children.