Designated Doodler

I haven't written in this blog in a long time. So long, in fact, that I'm not quite sure where to start. This post, for whatever reason, feels pivotal. Maybe that's because my life has drastically changed, maybe this is the start of a new beginning or the end of a very long chapter. Whatever it is, I find myself here, in this familiar space, staring at the same screen I stared at in 2008 when I was just starting college. The same screen I came to in order to escape, in order to muse about life, wax on about hardships, and try my hand at poetry & art. Here is some of my recent artwork...

There's a hitch in my breathing, just knowing that you're standing like a pillar at the end of the corridor. My mind reconstructs your face, my heart skips, and makes it harder to traverse the distance between us. As one foot steps in front of the other, I feel a spike of adrenaline pulse into my stomach and consider each location in my body that emotion is housed.  Anxiety lives in my legs, making them feel like cold jello, useless beneath me. Joy dwells in my mouth and delights in every scoop of Ben & Jerry's. Anticipation builds in my stomach,just below where my ribcage joins together. Stress accumulates at the base of my skull and delivers painful pulses down the highway of my spine to my knotted back. Sadness balls itself up in my throat and burns in my red eyes. Whereas happiness spreads like fire in the smile on my face and impatience is encapsulated in perpetually tapping toes. Creativity starts in my brain but is housed in my hands that live to create....

The weight of the world is on my lips Pressing, burning, aching to open and say That you are a watch And that I'm measured in you Stop or go Fast or slow Just a glance makes eternity wait As my mind traces the curves of your face Reality drifts away Lost in the waves of denim jeans Wandering the desert of porcelain skin Hidden in a jungle of black locks There is no trail left behind for my return I've accepted that you will swallow me whole Either leaving me as wreckage Or meshing me into your soul

You are a poem that breathes Words living in lungs that heave Hot breath across your lips The bows of which comprise a sonnet Your tongue a crimson harp With never-ending verse upon it Your skin is alight with a fever Burning bright from the meter That dances along Every word and phrase  Composing the song that sings in your brown eyes You are a poem and I a paradox You a ballad and I blank verse It is only through you that I keep time In the rhythm of your heart There is hope I'll find my rhyme

The waves of the sea crest in your eyes It's sea foam white Changes in the light From azure topaz in the day To royal navy in the night How many have fallen in And remain adrift In the current that circles The black hole? I wonder as I float, If I'll ever know My mind is a beacon That beckons rescue Only to have my heart Flip the switch off And at this rate, I will be forever lost In the tepid tide that rolls with the moon In the vast expanse Of the tiny ocean Rushing in your eyes Pulling me to you

Tonight 20/20 a special aired called "The New Sex," which covers a wide range of topics, including dating.  As the forty-something-year-old host explored the uses of Tinder, I shook my head and mourned the death of dating among millenials. This special was hardly the first time that I came to the realization that traditional dating was dead, and I'm sure that it won't be the last. Gone are the days when men would ask women out on an innocent date in order to get to know them, and discover if they were a life-long connection, expecting nothing in return. Nowadays, in an instant-gratification society that has "an app for everything," people want to "hook up," not look for their potential mate. It would almost seem as though the bulk of my generation is allergic to commitment & responsibility, sorely lacking an overall self worth. People are giving their bodies to one another after spending less than a day with each other, and having n...

*My first attempt at a Sestina in two years so don't judge too harshly :P* Blue carpet tongues unfold Down the corridor I see in dreams Walls cool beneath my finger tips I search for you at the end of the hall Seven years late, I take my time Just a student late for Algebra Two I look, but never see you I should have turned when told But I love to love, I love to pine Love is never what it seems,  not in life, not in dreams, not at all Much like falling asleep, I slipped Your door is locked tight like lips Cold air breathes out the bottom, cuts through Beneath the wood that stands tall And even a hand so bold Can't tear at it's seams Open the door or move time No act of hand or heart could make you mine Get the lock to turn, the metal to click But such stories are fodder for dream screens So let the movie play, and get me back to the life in which I'm enrolled I should thank the orange and blue cinder block wall ...

Your City Most of us live in towns or cities, and whether we like where we live or not, it's important to be a prayer warrior for your city. So often we get wrapped up in prayers that involve us, or our families, or far off places that have a crushing need to be prayed for. And all of this is great! Pray for your family, pray for places like Egypt and the unreached people groups of Indonesia! It's also important however, to be a prayer warrior for your city! I live in a huge metropolitan city that is filled with people struggling with their faith, their health, their job, their life! Lift up your city in prayer, along with all of it's hospitals, schools, roadways, etc. Prayer is a very powerful thing, and when you lift these requests up to God to protect your city and help it prosper, those prayers don't go unheard! It's time that communities reach out to their city and assist in any way possible. Volunteering your time, money and/or prayers can g...

Your heart whispers things in an unknown language It murmurs and beats And keeps you here with me I want to make sure you stay Even after they take the murmur away We are inseparable You are a part of me And nothing can change that Not even surgery 

What does it mean exactly I don’t want to know I don’t look it up I want to let it go Another medical mess I can’t handle the reality Or process what it means As you say it and look at me With earthy brown eyes That hold a love of oil and earth Your heart murmurs Secret things in Another language Your smile is firmer The determination in it Is your advantage ------- My father is a walking miracle Caring, passionate Hard-working and satirical He has fearlessness That I strive for And I’m the carrot on the stick The motivation, and the kick The one he’s stayed alive for.

Chocolate eyes Lips that arch like a bow Pulled taught Words ready to go But they're tangled in thoughts Not fit for an arrow PS All works belong to me, Liz Rector and are protected under copyright.

*Written for a romance prompt* ---------------------------------------------------- I'll make you forget you have friends Heart pounding, eyes tracing You'll swear it's the end Of everything you thought you knew Life before this wasn't as true And you can pry as hard as you want But there'll never be a me without a you Hands a flesh knot Fingers tied Nerves on fire Beneath eyes so tired The clock on the wall is broke The words are a wad in your throat But now's not the time to choke I can't feel my toes, they're cold And the warmth of this embrace Is not enough to hold back the light; the dawn That whispers in four ears The melody of a swan-song No regret No feelings No fear That was it Nothing happened No one was here ... The flourescent lights are blinding The air is heavy and hot and binding It clings to my lips and sticks to the green walls That reach to the ceiling and line the halls This skirt is too tight and ...

Freezing nights Loopy shots Remember the song You swear you forgot I can hear you smile Over the music I can feel Your eyes Come alive Walk with me into the dark It doesn't matter where you parked Forget who I am So that we can meet again Start all over To end up here again Keys rattle and shine Hung by my side And by the smile on your lips you already know that you're mine Three in the morning Laughing over In and Out burgers It's getting colder Tuck me into your shoulder The lights of the night Dance in your clear blue eyes And I see my reflection there Hands strung in deep brown hair Wherever you go I want to be there

What happens when you lose someone? In that moment of loss Who do you become When all you've ever known Is gone And the breath of yesterday is still so strong In your heart and your mind That there is no logic to find The truth in reality It couldn't be time I am still yours And you are still mine It isn't enough To write in a rhyme And describe How half of who you are is gone There is not enough Time in one life to prepare There's not enough tough Inside of you to get there To swallow a reality That you can't bear Beyond belief Is now home What you knew Is now gone And someway You have to Find some Way to Carry On