Designated Doodler

There is a good chance that you need to hear at least one of these things at this moment or throughout the new year: 1. Stop looking at your anger or anxiety as a wall you keep running into. Instead, look closely at the bricks that make up the wall. Attack the wall one brick at a time and watch the wall disappear. 2. Fear is an illusion. When anxiety strikes, you have to lean into it to get out of it. 3. You are where you need to be. Even if you feel stuck, even if you hate it, even if you don't understand it - stop trying to escape, and start asking yourself what you can learn from this. 4. People who don't have a clear sense of their own identity latch on to others. They turn their insecurity into gossip, their anxiety into manipulation, their inferiority complex into sabotage. Remember that you are a separate organism and that you can choose to either let their toxins in, or keep them out. Don't take on others' baggage before unpacking your own. If you ca...

Right now I'm re-reading Fahrenheit 451. I made it through sixty pages in the spare stolen moments of my day. And now, as I prepare for bed, I can't help but think about Clarisse, about how much we have in common. Well…she's a fictional character, but I can relate. Like her, my mind is ever searching, grappling in the dark to make sense of life's unfamiliar edges. I'm so acutely aware of my existence, so enveloped by the bigger picture that events offer, and yet, tangled up in minuet details. It very much creates the sensation of having your head floating high above ground while your feet knock and twist and stumble along the ground. It stretches me out and sometimes, wears me thin. But in many ways, I'm sure I'm nothing like Clarisse. In fact, I have yet to meet anyone like myself. And I often find myself wondering why I'm hooked up the way I am. By nature, I am the definition of conflict. Brave but terrified. Smart but forgetful. Talented b...

I am convinced that I am truly weird. At ten years old I was watching JAG and building model F-14's. I daydreamed endlessly and wished that my artistic skills could be capable of depicting them. I'd hide in my room, playing James Taylor and imagining alternate endings to the television shows I had become obsessed with. Legos, Barbies, Playstation and Basketball were great, don't get me wrong. But I was happiest when I was nestled atop the tree in our backyard, watching the sunset. I loved books, music and sports like most kid's my age. But I never felt like most kids my age. I felt truly weird... because I was. The things that they worried about - I didn't. And the things they never even considered - were the things that I worried about. Even now, as a teacher, I have yet to meet a student who is anything like me. And it makes me wonder if there is anyone out there like me. Keenly aware. Cautious. Extroverted. Anxious at times. Strongly grounded in my ...

Growing up with a Dad who has cancer, I think I've always been hyper aware of how precious life is. And it concerns me, how in this day and age, it seems like everyone is just out for themselves. Or just out for themselves and their family…when there are people all around us who are struggling, who are hungry, who are lonely. Having experienced anxiety in my life, I try my best to tune in to those around me, even if I barely know them. You'd be surprised how many people are out there…just longing for a friend, just longing for a shoulder, for a truthful, reliable, beautiful soul to care about theirs. At one point in college I was so lonely that I'd get out of the apartment and hang out at Starbucks, just so that I could be around other people. I had plenty of friends, but that doesn't mean that you can't still be lonely. I have no idea where this post is coming from. I didn't necessarily set out to write what I've written… I just feel that it...

Okay so all over the internet - and in real life - people are freaking out! Whether it's about finals or Christmas or a mysterious flu-like disease that's killing people in North Houston... the freaking out doesn't need to happen. If you are currently freaked out, or feel as though you will be in the near future, read this quick guide: 1) Odds are that you're thinking too much. Take a minute to shift your focus. Watch an episode on TV, have a mug of Sleepy Time tea, doodle a dragon in your notebook. The more you focus on your freaking out - the worse it's only going to get - so focus on something else. 2) If you can fix what you're freaking out about, do it! If you're worried that you're ill-prepared for a final, go study some more! If you're freaked out about a party you're hosting, plan it out! Maybe the better prepared you are, the less you'll flip your lid. 3) If you're having an existential crisis, please dial 9 now. Just kiddi...

Finding the right medication for General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is like playing Russian roulette. If you haven't surmised this yet...your doctor has no idea what's going to work for you and what won't. They can't forsee the side effects that you'll be sensitive to or the outcome of the medication for you in the long run. And knowing anxious souls...looking up medications (and their side effects) online is disastrous. If you've reached the conclusion that you need medication, you have to keep searching for that perfect medication, with the realization that it may not exist, all the while living your daily life. Medication can take a couple months to take effect and coming off of medication can be...challenging to say the least. I've experienced coming off of Lexapro. It was a terrifying experience that occured in college. And you can't exactly explain to others around you that you're acting totally...weird...because you're coming off o...

I felt inspired to write this post today to help anyone out there who knows/is friends with/is a parent of someone with anxiety. I realized today that these things I know aren't just common sense. They've come from years of dealing with anxiety myself and knowing others who have as well. So here it goes. Things to keep in mind about anxiety: Anxiety isn't as easy to control as you might think I've had people ask me in the past "well, why don't you just stop being anxious." To me, that's like asking someone who has chronic migraines to stop having migraines. What's important is to realize that anxiety is very much a physical thing. It is a response that your body has, when once started, is difficult to control or stop. An anxious person may have a racing heartbeat, sweaty hands, dry mouth, or even shake. Once the body begins this descent into anxiety it's hard to turn around. And even if the anxiety isn't yet to that point or severi...

Anxiety is more common than you may think. It is a nuisance that can alter how you live your life; it's annoying. And I've learned a few things about it that I thought I'd share with you. Survival of the Anxious A lot of people have a natural disposition towards anxiety. And guess what...it's what helped us survive! Back in the caveman days your carefree buddy would lay outside looking at the stars while you worried about lions. He'd get eaten, and you'd carry on your family line. A lot of times, we are hyper-observant of not only ourselves but our environment as well. So stop thinking of anxiety as a plague and start thinking of it as an advantage.  Is That all You've Got? Many times, people get caught in a loop of anxiety because they are afraid of anxiety itself! It is such an uncomfortable thing (sweaty palms, obsessive thoughts, racing heart, imagining the worst) so we naturally want to avoid it at all costs! But then we can become worried abo...

One thing I do when I'm stressed out or need to think...is take a shower. An absurdly hot, peel your senses off shower. Tonight I made a b-line for the scalding hot water. My clothes, all snaps and buttons, end up haphazardly on the floor. It's almost criminal how I treat my delicate clothes. A thin navy blouse, beige corduroy pants, blinding white shoes all make a trail, like breadcrumbs to the shower. Everyone's always telling me I'm so young, but sometimes I feel so old. So worn out, so scared of the future that it paralyzes my present. I wasn't particularly thrilled to find out today that Dad's getting surgery on his leg next week. I tried to enjoy dinner. I didn't even voice my distaste for meat, like I usually do around my parents. I sipped the red wine and engaged in witty banter. And then that moment happens and my heart drops into my stomach and all the air gets sucked out my lungs. I'm sure that no one would enjoy watching their Dad...