Designated Doodler

There is a good chance that you need to hear at least one of these things at this moment or throughout the new year: 1. Stop looking at your anger or anxiety as a wall you keep running into. Instead, look closely at the bricks that make up the wall. Attack the wall one brick at a time and watch the wall disappear. 2. Fear is an illusion. When anxiety strikes, you have to lean into it to get out of it. 3. You are where you need to be. Even if you feel stuck, even if you hate it, even if you don't understand it - stop trying to escape, and start asking yourself what you can learn from this. 4. People who don't have a clear sense of their own identity latch on to others. They turn their insecurity into gossip, their anxiety into manipulation, their inferiority complex into sabotage. Remember that you are a separate organism and that you can choose to either let their toxins in, or keep them out. Don't take on others' baggage before unpacking your own. If you ca...

I didn't choose the sloth life. The sloth life chose me.

I know that a lot of people are getting wrist tattoos featuring a single word that describes something they love. I've considered this trend…however, I think people might judge me if I get "donuts" tattooed on my wrist. Which is why my backup word is "Netflix."

1. Hilary and David walk through the homeowners current abode and David highlights how awful, dysfunctional and inadequate it is. He mostly makes the expression pictured below: 2. One person wants to love it, the other wants to list it! What a conundrum! 3. David shows them awful homes. Either they are too far away, or just total crap holes. 4. Hilary runs into "issues" and out of money. She freaks out at Eddie and confronts the couple with the fact that the bedroom/basement/kitchen is now off the list! 5. The unhappy couple slams Hilary and goes outside to talk about what a disaster this all is. 6. Suddenly, David finds a property that doesn't suck like a Hoover vacuum! Inevitably, the couple falls in love. 7. Hilary magically pulls through and creates a beautiful design in the existing home. There is a 35% chance that the couple will utter these words: "we should never have underestimated you Hilary!" 8. David says: "...

As a child I had straight (albeit wavy) hair. There isn't a single photo of me as a child with curly hair, because I didn't have it! I loved my hair! It was great! And then it went curly when I was like…11? And I when I say curly, I mean CURLY. Not to mention I have enough head on my hair for two people (easy). No seriously…sometimes hairdressers up the charge, or charge me double because I have so much hair. So you get the picture…I have a lot of curly hair. The odd thing is…I get treated TOTALLY different when I straighten my hair (which takes about 3 hours). By the time I got to college, my hair relaxed to a mildly manageable point and I began to get Keratin treatments and straighten it. I noticed immediately a jarring difference in how I was perceived and treated. People thought I was older when my hair was straight. Not to mention, they paid more attention to me! When my hair was curly, people perceived me to be younger and "nerdy." I was treated ...

Introducing “Eternity” a new fragrance for men (not associated with Calvin Klein). This alluring mist is the #1 scent given to newly married men. The aroma is heavy, clinging and lasts forever. Hence the fact that sales are steadily declining. If you listen closely as you spray yourself with “Eternity” you can almost hear your wife’s nagging voice. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in and picture you and your spouse at 90 years old. By that time, the beautiful aroma will linger in your wrinkles and amplify your natural scent of despair. You will definitely get noticed while wearing “Eternity” but pay no mind to those beautiful women giving you “the look,” because you’re already taken…for “Eternity.” Do not imagine what your life could have been as a free bachelor who doesn’t have three snotty kids clinging to your pant cuff dusted with paper shreds from your mind-numbing job that you need to support these four leeches. Instead, calm yourself an...

--> The Idiot This is the person who attempts to get through a yellow light when traffic is stopped/backed up and they end up sitting in the intersection and costing you a green light. The Roid Rager This is the person (usually in a truck) who decides you’re not going fast enough and gets right up on your ass. My response? Go even slower. The Straight Shooter This is the driver who doesn’t look in their rearview to notice your right turn signal and just sits in the right lane waiting for the light, because they are going straight. This usually occurs when you are in a rush and are behind only one car who wants to go straight while you, and the long line behind you, have their right turn signals on. The Nervous Nancy This is the bozo who won’t turn on to the I-10 frontage road until it is nearly COMPLETELY clear of all cars (which is impossible). They have multiple chances to venture onto the highway but must be too scarred from playing too many games o...

These are some very Pinteresting things that I love. If you're not following me on Pinterest, you're missing out! http://pinterest.com/lizrector/ ...