Designated Doodler

Since I have escaped the profession of copywriter that I spent three years surviving, I thought that I'd reflect back on this job and on the field of advertising as a whole. So please enjoy my analysis of corporate copywriting through this series of James Spader-specific gifs and/or images. Be a copywriter they said, it'll be fun they said. Once upon a time, I proofed a letter and gave it to my boss. He made changes…GIVING IT BACK TO ME WITH MISTAKES THAT HE ADDED…and then proceeded to give me crap about my ability to be an effective copywriter. Prepare to be poor unless you work for some elite, big city agency, in which case, prepare to sign over your entire life for that paycheck. No seriously…you will be in your office at midnight…and at five am the next day. Want a husband? Want kids? Forget it. Your clients will tell your agency that they want you to "be creative," and then they will proceed to give you their (already written ...

I am convinced that I am truly weird. At ten years old I was watching JAG and building model F-14's. I daydreamed endlessly and wished that my artistic skills could be capable of depicting them. I'd hide in my room, playing James Taylor and imagining alternate endings to the television shows I had become obsessed with. Legos, Barbies, Playstation and Basketball were great, don't get me wrong. But I was happiest when I was nestled atop the tree in our backyard, watching the sunset. I loved books, music and sports like most kid's my age. But I never felt like most kids my age. I felt truly weird... because I was. The things that they worried about - I didn't. And the things they never even considered - were the things that I worried about. Even now, as a teacher, I have yet to meet a student who is anything like me. And it makes me wonder if there is anyone out there like me. Keenly aware. Cautious. Extroverted. Anxious at times. Strongly grounded in my ...

I used to look up at the sky As I lay on my skateboard At the end of the driveway And think to myself That you weren’t that far +++++++++++++++++++++ Highlighter green Apples poured off the trees That lined the drive littering the concrete But I would push them aside Rolling back and forth As I stared at the sky +++++++++++++++++++++ Thinking that this was the same sun That wrapped you in light And even though it was hard Maybe you weren’t that far …Just a sky away ….Not that far apart …Just a plane ride from today And we were connected still Because the clouds that rolled over me in the light of day Would hover over you at night, in the sweet Pennsylvania dark +++++++++++++++++++++ Just nine years old I went where I was told My back on the black sandy surface Of a well-worn skateboard That peeled at the corners Nudging apples out of my way As I rocked back and forth In the burning heat of midday With nothing in me that...

The sight of himself as a child was jarring. There was no time to think, no room to breathe. Jim’s blue eyes were blown wide with panic, his vision sending him black dot warnings of hyperventilation. He took measured breaths to slow his heart and balled his fingers into fists so hard that little pink crescent marks were forming in the flesh. Before him was the expansive window of the deck, that had become a video monitor, and behind him was the majority of his first shift crew, staring at the screen. “Shut it off,” he ground out through locked teeth. “I can’t sir…” Sulu replied weakly, frantically pawing at the technology before him - to no avail. --- That morning, despite his First Officer’s protests, Jim beamed down to a newfound Class M planet that they had been hovering over for nearly a week. The blue sphere was called Kasor, and was completely undiscovered until they shot down a Starfleet vessel in trans orbital exploration. Apparently they possessed incr...

What happens when you hold in a sneeze? Where does it go? When you don't let it out After feeling it brew behind your face In rumbling, tickling, shakes Not letting it escape But breathing in sharp Squishing nostrils together Until the sneeze suffocates Where did it go? Did it evaporate? Disintegrate? Crawl back into the brain? They say it's not good to hold it in But what do they know? About pushing sneezes down Or about letting sneezes go Neither of which, is what I really want to know.

I wanted to write this for them Whoever it was That died on the sun-kissed highway Right outside my office In the morning, last Monday When coworkers stood at grand glass windows to see The crash, the reason why frustrated drivers wondered what was taking so long, what was going on Sitting in a glittering line of rumbling motionless cars that was hundreds of headaches long You could hear the roar of the air  being sliced by metal blades The familiar whine of multiple sirens Yelling above the rush hour parade And in the building Workers asked workers in hushed words as they arrived up the stairs "Did you see it? Have you heard?"

I sit and wait For my future to break For them to tell me that I've made a mistake And I wonder How much longer it will take For them to realize that I'm a creator Just a poser here Not an analyst, but An innovator and a catalyst And from analysis I've deduced that I don't belong Behind a desk So lonely and monotonous It drains my spark My youthfulness I'm the furthest thing from an analyst I'm a creative And if I don't create I might explode If I don't draw I might implode If I lack human interaction It's shut down mode Because there's too many words Built up in me It's too hard to store them up along With all of the ideas inside of me Trapped behind a mouth tight shut I don't know what to do Or where I belong So I wrote this for you Or because of you Or because at some point I was you And you are me Training to be where I am Working towards the point Of knowing that what you've worked for Isn't where you want to be How long do y...

Twenty four be good Be gentle, take care Tread lightly upon body and mind Leave me whole. Twenty four be good Help me find purpose and way And make every tomorrow better still Than every yesterday.